and I have no classes on Tuesdays. Huh. Well.

Money was a small source of panic yesterday, but has been resolved, I have work and my loans have come thru appropriately. I bought books! and I am having fun, in a general sense, though I have yet to have a single class.

What else is new....
Making bread! I have done this twice now- the bread is yummy and the recipe is easy, I just have to mind my time.
Books! I have bought the first two books for my classes- it is unclear how many of them I need for class yet, but things are going well, and I am happy.
In other news, I am happy and well. Go me. Also possibly going to be an usher at the new church. Huzzah!

Quick and dirty update.

I am two weeks into my three week language course, and I am considering not continuing Hebrew so that I can keep up with my Greek- This is kind of a big deal, as there are only so many classes I can take without learning the actual language of particular texts. But I am still uncertain.

I finally contacted my friend M. the Chef, who is living on the far North Side and cooking splendiferous things for lovely people who are not me. Boo hoo! But I may perhaps see her tonight- I did not give her a whole lot of warning, but perhaps.

I am about fifteen minutes from leaving to attend a freebie performance of Lyric Opera in Millennium Park with a bunch of students from the Divinity School and possibly from the Harris school of Public Policy. Last week's endeavor to get these groups to mix met with systematic problems, as no one from the Public Policy program showed up, save my roomie. She, however, seemed glad to have gone.

There will be a dog visiting my house this weekend! And cinnamon buns shall appear. Long live the wonderfulness of my life.

Program is lovely, people are very and a tad earnest in the Hebrew class- I think the people in Greek are perhaps a tad snarkier, but all said and done I am enjoying myself a great deal.
There shall be a picnic. I am content.

The first four are looking like a likely schedule for me....

DVSC 30400 Introduction to the Study of Religion  *
Robinson, James
M/W 1:30-2:50 S106
PQ: Supporting course required of all M.A./AMRS/M.DIV. students.
BIBL 43200 Colloquium: Ancient Christianity
Mitchell, Margaret
W/F 4:00-5:50 S403
A critical reading of influential narratives-both ancient and modern-of "the rise of Christianity" in the first four centuries, in interaction with selected primary sources from antiquity illuminating crucial issues (e.g. demographics, conversion, persecution, martyrdom, asceticism, women's participation, ecclesiological and ritual structures, intellectual lineages), personalities (.e.g. Ignatius, Perpetua and Felicitas, Irenaeus, Antony, Eusebius, Constantine, Augustine) and events. On-going reflection on the nature of historiography itself.
Ident. HCHR 43200
BIBL 34000 Introduction to Biblical Hebrew 2
Thomas, Ben
M/W/F 8:00-8:50 S208
PQ: BIBL 33900
20100. Intermediate Greek I: Plato. PQ: GREK 10300 or equivalent. We read Plato’s text with a view to understanding both the grammatical constructions and the artistry of the language. We also give attention to the dramatic qualities of the dialogue. Grammatical exercises reinforce the learning of syntax. C. Faraone. Autumn.

GREK 20100 01 Intermediate Greek-1 100 Redfield James M 12:30PM-
1:20PM MWF Course 10 25 WB 103 22
Topic: Plato
 
GREK 20100 02 Intermediate Greek-1 100 Nutzman Megan 11:30AM-
12:20PM MWF Course 5 20 HM 135 22
Topic: Plato

Things I also would like to look at
THEO 43102 Early Modern Catholicism
Schreiner, Susan
M/W 10:00-11:20 S201
This course examines the Catholic reformation as well as the thought of Ignatius of Loyola, Teresa of Avila and the Inquisition of Francisca de los Apostoles. The course adopts the perspective that this era laid the foundations of early modernity in terms of science, technology, the development of the modern state, and the impact of humanism.
THEO 45401 A Scandal for Gentiles and Jews: The Body of Christ and the Body of Scripture in Early Christianity
Otten, Willemien/Nirenberg David
TH 1:30-4:20 S208
This course will focus on the challenges that Christianity's belief in the incarnation posed for ancient readers of scripture, both Jewish and Gentile, in order to ask what the consequences of these challenges were for the development of Christian approaches to the Hebrew Bible, ranging from tendencies in early Christianity to relinquish the Old Testament to reading it hence forth exclusively through a Christological lens. Special attention will be given to dualist perspectives and their alternatives in late antiquity (Paul, Philo, Marcion, Ignatius, Justin, Augustine) but the course will also deal with modern echoes in Von Harnack, Barth and Bultmann.
Ident. HCHR 45401/HIST 66601/SCTH 45401
AASR 41100 Introduction to Max Weber *
Riesebrodt, Martin
F 1:30-4:20 SS 302
The class offers an introduction to Weber's most important writings from all periods of his life. We focus on four major themes: 1. The early texts on the decline of the Roman Empire and the agrarian question in German, 2. The methodological writings, 3. The Economic Ethics of World Religions, 4. Major sections of Economy & Societym, and 5. Political writings.
Ident. SOCI 40110
LATN 25200 01 Medieval Latin 100 Allen Michael I. 12:00PM-
1:20PM TTh Course 8 25 JRL 207 20



HCHR 53501 Religious Thought in the Later Middle Ages
Fulton, Rachel
T/TH 1:30-2:50 ARR
Derided for centuries as a period of decline, the later Middle Ages are now generally recognized as a period of exceptional flowering in the religious thought and practice of the Christian West. This course seeks to introduce students to some of the great textual works of the period while at the same time situating them within the social, intellectual, practical and liturgical concerns of their day. Larger issues to be addressed include the relationship between mysticism, theology and devotion; the role of women, laypeople and the deviotio moderna in the development of new devotional ideals; and the tensions between aesthetics, visions, cult and scripture as sources of inspiration and authority. Readings will include works from the thirteenth through the fifteenth centuries and (in translation) from both Latin and the vernaculars.
Ident. HIST 53501
THEO 30200 History of Christian Thought II
Otten, Willemien
TH 9:00-11:50 S200
This second class in the History of Christian Thought sequence deals with the period from Late Antiquity until the end of the Early Middle Ages, stretching roughly from 450 through 1350. The following authors and themes will be analyzed and discussed: 1. The transition from Roman antiquity to the medieval period: Boethius and Cassiodorus. 2. The rise of asceticism in the West: the Rule of St. Benedict and Gregory the Great. 3. Connecting East and West: Dionysius the Areopagite and John Scottus Eriugena. 4. Monastic and Scholastic paragons: Anselm of Canterbury, Peter Abelard. 5. High-medieval monastic developments: Cistercians (Bernad of Clairvaux) and Victorines (Hugh and Richard of St. Victor) beguines (Hadewijch) and mendicants (Bonaventure). 6. Scholastic synthesis and spiritual alternatives: Thomas Aquinas, Marguerite Porete and Eckhart.
Ident. HCHR 30200
THEO 43102 Early Modern Catholicism
Schreiner, Susan
M/W 10:00-11:20 S201
This course examines the Catholic reformation as well as the thought of Ignatius of Loyola, Teresa of Avila and the Inquisition of Francisca de los Apostoles. The course adopts the perspective that this era laid the foundations of early modernity in terms of science, technology, the development of the modern state, and the impact of humanism.
Ident. HCHR 43102
Barth's Church Dogmatics

I once more have internet in my apartment! There was a two-days delay in getting things set up, which really boiled down to changing the phone jack we were using for a different one in the house. I've decided that being embarrassed by this would be stupid- if it had a been a really problem, it would have cost me money.

Roomie and I ventured to the closest public library to get ourselves into the system. The place was very pretty, but sadly understocked- small selection of books had been displaced in favor of public access computers. Sort of understandable, but it felt more like a book depo than an actually library. Maybe suburbia has spoiled me in this regard, but I like having a bunch of books on hand for me to read them. I might try the other close library, tho it is in a rather sketchier section of town. The logistics of being a little white girl in Hyde Park are kind of a drain on my mind.

Ah, well.

In other news, I have watched every episode of SUPERNATURAL made, and I begin to see why certain of my cohorts were so freaking addicted- I cannot begin to imagine where the series is going to go from where 'Lucifer Rising' left off, but previous cliffhangers have been answered in satisfactory ways, so I trust the show to once more bedazzle me.

My sister is getting a corn snake shipped to her from a breeder in Texas- this is because, tho she fell in love with some itty bitty snakelets in a petstore, pet stores are generally evil and I was able to convince her that she should patronize a reputable snake breeder. And also make sure that she could deal with handling dead mice on a regular basis, because this is what baby snakes eat. And not to get those from a pet store either, because pet stores are kind of evil.

Have I mentioned that I used to have two corn snakes when I was a young girl, making this honestly a very unweird pet choice for her? Because once you've wrapped your mind around getting a snake (and how cool were my parents for letting me get one in the first place?), having one later in life is not that weird- there's a certain pattern to the whole thing. And corn snakes are honestly just wicked easy to take care of, as reptiles go. Tank, hot pad, hidey holes, nice place to chill, dead mice in the freezer and a few toys, and you have a cute little low maintenance pet.

(I am honestly kind of jazzed that my sister is getting a snake. It seems pretty damned cool of her. I just wish she were doing this before I freaking left for Chicago.)

Having a snake taught me some ridiculous things, actually. Like that snakes only have one lung. And how to get one off of you without hurting her if she bites you and doesn't want to let go (that only happened the one time. And, for the record, since this is information I think everyone should know, you get a bucket of warm water and hold your hand with attached snakes underwater until the snake lets go to breathe. No muss, no fuss, just trickery and a band-aid later you're fine.) And that snakes are generally adorable and the smelling-with-tongue thing tickles like crazy.

A Basic Introduction to Biblical Hebrew by jo hann hackett (cambridge ma 200)
biblia hebraica stuttgartensia (BHS)
brown-driver-briggs hebrew and english lexicon

Learn the alphabet (cursive)
http://www.stanford.edu/class/hebrew/letters/index.html

There are days I just really love my job. Honestly and truly love the damned thing.

The Art Library has it's own little section of fragile and special books that don't circulate. Unlike the big Library, the Art Library's special collection is not climate-controled, and does not have a small army of archivists making sure that no one draws in the margins. The books are not as well tended, and they needed some love.

So, today, Awesome!Boss and her three minions, myself included, trundled over to the Art Library to see the damage. And, lo, friends, it was a fine, fine day.

I got to pull out a three hundred year old art book in German that covered design motifs from something like seventeen major world cultures. In color, which is mind boggling with something where each plate had to be done by hand. The expense must have been incredible. There was another book in Latin and Greek written during the time of one of Kings Charles of England, bound in vellum and printed with an insane attention to detail. The ligatures of the book were insane. * There was one for Qu where the tail of the Q swept under the entire length of the u and then joined it at the tail of the u. AND IT WAS IN LATIN AND GREEK. I was in happy book!geek heaven.

Naturally, the conservation facility that keeps the paperbacks of Swelles in decent shape is not equipped to the same standards of upkeep that some of these books need. They are going to be sent somewhere with experts in dealing with these kind of elder statesmen of the literary world. But I get to make boxes for a few of them.

There was another set of little books by Ruth Hayes, far more modern than most of the other really exciting ones, but nevertheless quite cool. They were flipbooks, the kind of thing that you get as a child where a ball rolls across the bottom edge of the page as you turn the pages, but this was gorgeous. "Walking Octopus" was far and away my favorite- the octopus just squirmed across the page- the motion was perfect. Ruth Hayes is apparently online at http://www.randommotion.com/html/flip.html, and has a number of other works online, tho not this one that I saw. I think "Running Octopus" is out of print, sadly. I could have watched that thing for hours.


*For the non-printing-savvy of the crowd, a ligature is a special character in a lead typeset where two or more letters that occur in a row in word are made up of a single piece of metal, rather than several smaller ones holding only one letters. This preserves the spacing of the text, as it allows the two letters to overlap as they normally would if you were just writing them out. Normal typesets in English have several standard ligatures: fi, fl, ffl, and almost any common combination of letters that might follow the letter f, zy and a few others. The ampersand & was originally a ligature of 'et', or the Roman word for 'and'.

June has reached a critical mass for important life altering events. I call a halt to this. Nothing more major in my life is allowed to happen in June. Any event choosing to flaunt this declaration may find itself retroactively forcibly relocated to July.

Going to buy beer and an ax handle. That statement does not seem to strike as much fear into my heart as it should, given how close I am to Lizzy Borden's grave.

Spent the best part of the day looking for backup apartments in Chicago. Ended up wasting time touring several luxury high rises that are, shockingly, not outside our predetermined price range. The housing market in Chicago is blindingly cheap compared to Cambridge or D.C., so we really overshot our mark on the pricing. But it was determined that the Lutheran housing place was our best option and after that we settled down to rest.

My feet are hurty, and I clearly have given myself another case of sunburn. Need to carry sunscreen, I think. Burn too easily to go long without it, and it tends to come off with sweat. Also, bag clearly too heavy by far.

I just got sunburned a few weeks ago- how can I get another already? Where is my melanin?

Anyhoo, things seem like they are working well, roomie situation happily settled, and we can now begin to think about moving in. Yay moving in!

One of the other things about moving to Chicago is the sudden increase of cousins.

My nuclear family is a lone outpost on the East Coast- my mother's sister lives in California still, her mother in New Mexico until the last four years, and my father's family all stayed in Illinois, if not Chicago proper.

As a result, the concept of cousins that you saw on a regular basis was generally linked to the Townies in the places where I was living, wherever that might be at the time. Most of the suburbs where I've lived have existed as towns for a long damned time, but grew much larger in the last thirty or forty years. There was a distinct subculture of people whose families had lived in the same town for generations, and they were the people whose cousins showed up in high school at the same time as them.

Whereas, most of the other people had family that lived really far away- sometimes as far as India or Taiwan. Cousins were seen at most yearly, and for my family often far less. My mother and her sister maintained contact, but often it was in the form of regular phone calls and sending one of my siblings to California to visit. I never went to California on my own- I'm not really sure why, though it may have had something to do with my dislike of Southern California's climate.

But moving to Chicago contains a distinct hint of moving back as opposed to moving to. Suddenly, my father's (much larger) family has taken up a far closer position to me than ever before, and there are lots of them. And they all have relationships with each other spanning years and years of being near neighbors and visiting at holidays and taking an interest in and care of each other's children. I have this sudden new identity of cousin/niece, with all the rights, responsibilities and privileges attached thereto, and it's kind of surprising. People who I have not seen in six years or more have offered to help me move in to my apartment. And help me shop for second hand furniture. Or just come and fetch me if I get lost in the city at night. It's both very welcoming- I was kind of afraid of moving away from Boston and my college and having to find a new set of friends- and a little weird (who are these people and why have they all instantly decided that they need to take care of me?)

My dad was the only one to move away from Chicago for any length of time. And here I am, coming back, possibly for just a short period, and possibly for a long stay, and possibly forever. And suddenly, I have a whole lot of backup.

Common wisdom has it that if you want to receive a letter, you should write a letter. Take this under consideration as I write this: I do this for my own selfish entertainment.

For the past few days I've been in Chicago(land) searching for an apartment for when I move here and go to the University of Chicago. ( And how sad is it, that by the time I post this entry, the entry announcing my acceptance into that institution, from MARCH, will not have been pushed onto the Older Entries page? I have been neglecting you, my friends, and I feel it.)

I came with a list compiled by my future roomie and some appointments already, but there was a clear top candidate on the list, both in terms of price and location. Mostly, we both had our hopes pinned to that one, and were just checking on others to be safe and sure that it was worth it. Surprise, surprise- the apartment complex in question is lovely, incredibly close to the U of C, incredibly cheap, and the management is clearly not going to be out to bleed us dry- it's run through another local seminary, and they are generally not out to screw their renters over for fear of hurting the school's reputation in the denomination. And I get to have the justified feeling that I brought something to the process of apartment hunting after all, despite my Beanie-come-lately feeling, because it's the building that I found that we're going after, and it's only because I am a student at a local seminary that they are allowed to rent to me.

Of course, if something goes wrong, it's my ass in the fire, but I think that's probably ok. I hope nothing goes wrong, at least. Oh, well.

Anyhoo, having found and put money on the apartment means that I can now just sort of de-stress today and hang out.

more later...

EDIT FOR MORENESS.

I've just had a lovely dinner with Aunt and Uncle M and M, who have carefully ensconced me at the International House. Which I am now so deeply glad not to be living in, because living in a room *this* small after my last year at Swelles in my nice big sunny happy room would drive me round the bend. It's not unliveably small, but I would have to be utterly spartan and completely ruthless about my bookshelf's occupants in order to pull this off. All in all, glad that this did not pan out for me. At least I get my deposit back, too.

HA!

I have found myself an apartment in Chicago. I am a happy Bean.

This also means my work here is done, and I can, for the most part, spent the next few days goofing off in the South side and figuring out my life out.

Chicago is *pretty*.

It seems people are very slow to return calls, email, or any kind of communication at all when they have something you want to know.

I'm set up to look at one apartment on the list right now, and hopefully others will get back to me today or tomorrow. I am rather impatient with the whole silly business already, but that's primarily because I don't feel like I know what I'm doing.

In other news.

I'm listening to the Dresden Files on audiobooks to pass the time. Partially, this was motivated by my fangirlish interest in James Marsters, who does the reading for the books. But there is a problem. He's kind of bad at it, actually. They did not check the pronunciation of Marcone's name (Mar-CONE, not MAR-cone-ee), so it's jarring to hear it said wrong so often. His intonation is off sometimes, making the reading of the sentence confusing until you get to the end, when you can re-construct what the sentence looked like on the page and figure out what should have been emphasized where. And sometimes he just mispronounces words, reading "spellslinger" as "spells-linger" instead of "spell-slinger", like "gunslinger", one who slings guns or spells around.

The little errors are small and they don't really deeply detract from my understanding or enjoyment of the book, but it seems to display a lack of preparation and interest with the material that wounds my little fannish heart. I really, really like THE DRESDEN FILES. They are a lovely fun and snarky series of books with a great narrator and layered characters, and I wish my delight in the books were able to be better communicated to Marsters. Harry's voice, so clear and sharp in the books, is rendered rather flat. In short, I wish he cared more.

But hey, it's the first book and he has to read the whole series. Maybe he gets better at it. At least he does the voices- Monica Sells's voice is amusing.

Anyhoo. I am going on a walk. Later.

Apartment hunting begins in earnest with actually calling the people who are interested in selling the damned thing to you.


I am still working at my job from before the summer, and I am actually enjoying it a great deal. My boss is really wonderful.

I have graduated! Huzzah!

Wellesley Class of 2009 cordially invites you to drop down in exhaustion after schlepping heavy crates home.

I have a ridiculous hat! Mine to keep! And a robe to which I am just a little bit too attached. Pearls and my class ring comprised my ceremonial bling. (I've posted about the ring already- I have become slightly less gollom-ish about the whole thing in the past few days, but the sucker is still never going to come off.) Other than that, I had a very pretty slinky dress which I shall wear again.

I am now prepared to curl up into a ball and sleep the sleep of the righteously tired.

On the down side, I am once more in my parents' home. But there are plans to leave! Yay!

And....

Wow. I kind of have free time again. Not much. But a little.

Plans have been made to get to Chicago on the 19th thru 27th in order to hunt apartments and find me a place to live while I attempt to start off my masters degree with a modicum of grace and style. Hopefully, real moving-in to the windy city will begin to take place in late August. I will have to buy furniture.

I am in need of a project.

Not that I actually am in need of something to do- there are a whole slew of things I should be doing, (laundry, packing, dealing with housing, getting plans together to hang out with my friends over this last week before graduation), but I currently don't have homework and that is a Problem.

Because when I don't have homework, my hobbies start to take over the space that I left for them, and that is just.... that way lies madness.

Because, of any character trait I have that is not immediately apparent but defines a great deal of my inner life, it's the drive to be better at something than other people. And when the only thing filling up my life now is fanfiction and other random ways I pass my time, it means that I begin to notice: I am not a very good fan. I need to watch more TV or something, perhaps, but I am not well versed in canon. I can let whole weeks go by without noticing that I have missed the last three episodes of the show that I am currently geeking out about.

When I need to memorize Greek verbs, this is not so much a problem (not that I really spent that much time memorizing Greek verbs, because I find it kind of boring and much more interesting to find them in context in the text and make educated guesses). But now, all I have to do it hang out with my friends (who are on radically different sleep schedules than me, meaning they do not get up at dawn on their vacations.), it means that I being to notice: I did not see most of Buffy. And I don't really care about the Whedonless Buffy!movie coming out. And I didn't see WOLVERINE yet or STAR TREK. And I might just be a fraud on the geeky front, when it comes right down to it.

Which could become something I feel a burning pulsating need to remedy.

Crap.

In other news, I graduate officially on the 5th of June, and I have a slew of silly fun things to do with my buddies before then. So here's hoping.

GARY COLEMAN:
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy

NICKY:
I'll say.

GARY COLEMAN:
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me...
Happy!

NICKY:
Happy?!

GARY COLEMAN:
Sorry, Nicky, human nature-
Nothing I can do!
It's...
Schadenfreude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

NICKY:
Well that's not very nice, Gary!

GARY COLEMAN:
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!

D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

NICKY:
Yeah...

GARY COLEMAN:
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

NICKY:
Sure!

GARY COLEMAN:
And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,
Watching people out in the rain!

NICKY:
You bet!

GARY COLEMAN:
That's...

GARY AND NICKY:
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
People taking pleasure in your pain!

NICKY:
Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

GARY COLEMAN:
Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

NICKY:
"Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

GARY COLEMAN:
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!

NICKY:
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

GARY AND NICKY:
"No!!!"
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

NICKY:
Ooh, how about...
Straight-A students getting Bs?

GARY COLEMAN:
Exes getting STDs!

NICKY:
Waking doormen from their naps!

GARY COLEMAN:
Watching tourists reading maps!

NICKY:
Football players getting tackled!

GARY COLEMAN:
CEOs getting shackled!

NICKY:
Watching actors never reach

GARY AND NICKY:
The ending of their oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate.
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us,
and that makes them feel great.

NICKY:
Sure!
We provide a vital service to society!

GARY AND NICKY:
You and me!
Schadenfreude!
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
To be!

GARY COLEMAN:
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!

I have taken the beast that was my Greek final and slain it with the sword!

Now, to kill the grendelesque fiend that is my last German paper. Huzzah!

I am made a little too happy about my college ring. (I've never had jewelry made to my specifications before. It makes a difference, I think.)

Two finals down, one final and a paper to go.

I have become pathetic in terms of updating. Here's why:

May 1, 2009- Friday

Early morning: My mother discovers my maternal grandmother's body in her parlor. Grammie seems to have died the previous evening. Around her on the couch are a cold cup of tea, a trashy romance novel, her knitting, and her dog curled up beside her.

8.50: I am taking my last Ancient Greek test, for which I am underprepared. I get a call halfway thru from my father, but don't pick it up, and turn my phone off. I complete the test. (I got a C.)

9.45: Five minutes before my German class, my younger brother, who lives at home and helped my mother deal with the EMT's and coroner earlier that morning, calls me to tell me Grammie died. I go to class, bluster my way through discussions of my fellow students' presentations, and wonder if I am going to throw up. At the break of the three hour class, I call my mom and ask her if there is anything I should be doing. There isn't really, but she wants me to come home.

3pm: I blow off my last class of the day, and my brother drives me home. I think that I have ludicrously overpacked for a weekend at home, but Billy tells me that while we are holding calling hours/wake for Grammie in Massachusetts, her funeral will be in California with Grammie's other daughter and grandchildren, and the cousins that have lived in California since the dawn of time.

4pm: The hours is weird and still and uncomfortable, and I am mildly freaking out because my mom is so sad. People keep calling and I just want to take the phone off the hook. The three kids don't have much to do, and end up hanging out with each other for most of the time. We run various errands and figure out what's happening after the calling hours on Sunday. I find out I'm actually going to California. A friend of my mom (also a female priest) does a prayer out of the Book of Common Prayer that I have memorized to say for when I die. It's a nice prayer, and it gets better with repetition. This is the first of four times I hear it over the next week or so.

Saturday May 2

My dad takes my brother and sister out to buy something appropriate to wear. I don't want to go, and don't. Mom and I take Grammie's dog to the vet to get it looked at before it can fly to California to live with my aunt, who originally owned the dog. The wait is long, and the dog is freaked out, and I start to cry a bit because I hate it when dogs are sad and scared.

Sunday, May 3rd
The calling hours are really well attended by people from my mom's church (she works there)- a number of them knew Grammie personally from when she would go to church. We kids set up a little table at the funeral home with photos of Grammie at various stages of life, and her family, and her knitting projects. The tone is one of sadness and relief: there is a lot of chatting and hugging and people making sure that we're okay. I feel pretty well loved, actually. Wakes are nice. We read for the second time the prayer I like.

My mother has given my grandmother a spinning wheel pin and a little toy lamb made of wool and wood to be buried in. My grandmother is not wearing lipstick, which is noticeably uncharacteristic. The embalming process had made her tissue feel oddly firm and dry and cold, but her skin feels the same if you just lay your hand lightly on it. Her hair feels exactly the same. A friend of my mother's, who nursed her own mother through long ill-health in my childhood, tells my mother "Well done, my good and faithful servant." My mom cries and feels like she did well by her mom.

Monday, May 4th,

Damned early: We fly to California with a stop over. My siblings and I sit together on the first half of the flight and goof off, but there is a slightly uncomfortable tone. My mom and dad sit together. My mom looks deeply out of it- she's just following the leader and she keeps holding my dad's hand a lot.

California is dry and bright and unpleasant, like always.

Tuesday, May 5th
I'm going to skip talking about this, tho I may go into more later. The funeral was very good- sweet and sad and heartfelt. Arrangements go as they should- my mom gives a eulogy that is distracted and heartfelt and loving. My brother, my cousin Tom, and I all read something out of the bible: all the music and passages were chosen by my grandmother and my mom several months ago, and there is a nice feeling of completion knowing that we were doing things that Grammie wanted and liked.

Wednesday, may 6th

Getting back to MA with my brother and sister gives me a good working definition of a clusterfuck. My aunt allotted us only an hour's grace period at the airport, which I think is too little, but don't say anything. The driver is half an hour late, and we miss our flight. My sister cries a little from the stress, so I manage the process of getting us transfered to another flight and getting our bags checked. The new flights are not bad, and the new seats in the exit row on each flight give us much more footroom.

When we get back to MA, my parent's car has been towed from my sister's street, and her wonderful boyfriend goes to get it while we wait in her apartment after taking a cab from the airport. We discuss how awesome her boyfriend is.

Thursday, may 7th
I go to class in a haze, and actually feel lost and sad. I'm not sure if it's sleep deprivation, the incredible pollen that burst into bloom while I was away, or actual grief. I am unprepared for classes but my teachers are all nice about it. I only throw up before my Greek class, and stay away from coffee all day to feel better. I barely keep from crying in my Latin class; we are reading the part of the Aeneid where Aeneas meets his father Anchises in the afterlife. Anchises greets his son with "venisti tandem?" "Have you finally come?" This seems to me to be incredibly sad, but I really really like it.

Friday may 8th.
My last German class. I give a completely halfassed presentation which my professor kindly refrains from picking apart. I think he's impressed that I'm even presenting at all. This is the first of my last classes.

Saturday I allow myself to recover a little.

Sunday is Mother's day. I go to church with my family, where my mom is a bit frazzled and everyone is very kind to her. I give her a book on Gandhi and Churchill's rivalry, and she is very appreciative. I feel like a mildly competent daughter.

Monday May 11th
The last Latin class. No crying.

Duncan Kennedy, I cannot decide if I want to smack you or kiss you, you magnificent dense-writing classicist bastard.

I get the feeling that my WATCHMEN viewing experience may have been somewhat diminished by the number of people who walked out of the theater.

That just makes me sad.

BEFORE I got my acceptance letter, I was mildly anxious about my future at all times. While I tried to be happy at the good fortune of my friends in getting jobs and getting into grad schools, I secretly sometimes felt that their overflow of good fortune was meant to mock me. This is that part of my mind that would like to don spandex and graft adamantine tentacles to my spine so that I could wreak havoc on them as gloated over me while proclaiming my perpetual superiority. Only the thought of myself in spandex holds me back some days.

AFTER I got my acceptance letter, I felt the warm glowing love the universe shine down upon me. All was well and right in the world and I found myself basking in the thin light of day at every opportunity. I told my friends and professors of my good fortune, and found myself rewarded with praise from all. The world is my oyster. I probably have not become an insufferable ass, but this is only by virtue of noticing the fact that this gap exists.

Thought: Have you all noticed how people tend to praise the college you're going to? It's kind of weird. I never thought about the University of Chicago before grad school reared its ivy-crested head, but now everyone tells me how nice it is. Meh.

I got accepted to one of the world's finest institutions for the study of religion. I did not get a free ride to that school- I will have a lot of debt.

Okay, it's now possible for me to do what I want with my life, I just have to get it all together after all.

It is very nice to sit across a table from someone while you're doubting the possibility of your life's dream coming true, and having them say, "You're going to make it happen."

Also, I am already kind of beginning to appreciate the silly numbered grid that is the Chicago street map- I can already begin to see my way around the city, and I've not even been there yet.

So, I had gotten turned down from Yale's doctoral program a week or so ago, VIA THE INTERNET, to add insult to injury, and I was being forced to wait till 5pm to hear from Harvard.

I decided at 3pm to check out my account on the Harvard applications page, and lo, my result was already there. It read as follows.

"Dear beanie_platypus,

"We regret to inform you that HDS is unable to accept you as a student at this time. We are total bastards."

...This is not 100% accurate. But after that first sentence I was disinclined to read the rest of the email.

I do what I do in times of trouble, I called my mom. She was in a car on her way to Poughkeepsie, NY, and thus I may have broken the news about this to the rest of the people in that carpool as well. She consoled, I was numb, and she had to hang up.

I watched some TV and tried to look for jobs. Since Harvard and Yale had turned me down, I was pretty certain my first choice would also turn me down. This was not good.

I eventually gathered up my wounded courage and headed out of the library. My mom called back, now in a train station, and she proceeded to console me. The conversation was as follows:

Mom: I'm so sorry honey. This is disappointing.

Me: I know, it's weird. I don't actually feel sad, but I know I'm disappointed.

Mom: It is disappointing. But you know, in the long run, having to take a year off to get some money is not going to matter. You're still going to get where you're going. You'll retake the GRE's and study more, and you'll be better off the next time.

Me: I know, I had just wanted to be able to do it *now*. And I don't really seem to have any marketable skills.

Mom: Of course you do. You have writing skills and a BA- you could do a lot of things.

Me: I know, it's just hard. Hold on, I'm checking my mail... There is big envelope. There is a big envelope from the University of Chicago. Mom, I have a BIG ENVELOPE FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO.

Mom, in the voice of GOD: OPEN IT.

Me: I can't open it while talking to you, I only have one hand, I have to hang up!

Mom: JUST PUT THE PHONE DOWN.

Me: Oh. *puts phone down.* *riiiiiiips envelope open like it said things about my sister* I got in! Oh, wait. *Picks up the phone.* I got in!

Mom, still in Poughkeepsie: YAY!

The University of Chicago wants me instead.

I repeat, fuck Harvard.

Yeah, Harvard's a no-go.

So, tomorrow I find out from Harvard Divinity School whether I've been accepted or not.

At every meal today, someone has told me another school that they've gotten into, and the choices that they have to make about their future. I am not at the moment inclined to be sympathetic to the poor gentleman who must decide if he wants to go to Harvard or MIT for graduate school in the sciences, though I am sure his pain must be great.

I am applying to something my mother suggested, because mostly beyond the poisoning fact that my mother suggested it, it looks like a good idea and an interesting program if I don't get into grad school.

I finally found the list of courses for Boston College School of Theology and Ministry- it's kind of removed from the main listing of stuff for that department. The stuff looks interesting enough. I just got an email that they want to meet with me for an Graduate Assistant position, which would give me a little stipend for the year, and would give me full tuition for a lot of the classes there. It would be a nice thing, but I am not really sure how viable a Masters from them would be.

This is how I deal with uncertainty- either I ignore it entirely to my detriment, or plan on failing so that if I get a good response back, it comes as a complete surprise.


In other news, I have to do a German presentation and a Greek quiz tomorrow, I did not get a stipend from the Classical Civ department to study Greek during the summer, and there is no "good time" to apply to grad school, grow up, get married, or have a kid. There just is not, you go on and just roll with the punches.

Ignoring all of the above:
I just watched Spectacular Spider-Man's 8th episode of the second season, and I was tickled pink by the dynamic between Hammerhead and Silver Sable. Though I cannot approve of her downgrade from Eastern European monarch (or something like that in the original comics) to mere mobster's daughter, and I think her reactions are heavily biased towards the Harpy-ish at the height of the fighting, the way she makes Hammerhead act is *hilarious*.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw_T_nJ8eu8&feature=related